JOAN’S BLOG – WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 30, 2008 – WE ONLY HAVE THE MOMENT.

It used to be, what seems like such a long time ago, before AD, love was nurtured by memories. I am sure it was the same with all of you. We talked; we related; we connected; and the memories of those connections built upon one another. We could not wait to revisit what we had discussed; what we had experienced together, whether it was a walk in the park, shared intimacy, or a supportive shoulder.  We continued to build new memories of supporting one another; being together; enjoying times together. We could stop in the middle of a conversation and laugh about a previous experience related to it.

Now most of the memories for our spouses are gone. When we laugh, love, experience joy together, we have only that one moment in time to cherish, and then it is gone for them. It remains in our memory, but the joy is not the same when the memories cannot be shared.

I believe, with all of my heart and soul, that there isn’t a neurologist, social worker, case worker, psychiatrist, or psychologist, who can fully understand the pain we spouses feel at the loss of this connection. It can only be understood by another spouse who has felt their heart shatter.

Oh my, as you can tell, these last few days have not been good ones for me. The anger of which I spoke yesterday is turning back into .  The only thing I can do now is try to enjoy our good moments, and relive them on my own. A poor substitute for a shared life, but it is all this hateful disease leaves us.

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