JOAN’S BLOG – MONDAY/TUESDAY, JUNE 30/JULY 1, 2008 – ONE DAY AT A TIME – A NEW TWIST. - I posted this so late on Monday, that I am carrying it over to Tuesday for those who did not get a chance to read it.

If there are any of you out there who have tried to lose weight, stop smoking, or quit drugs or alcohol, you are quite familiar with the phrase “one day at a time”. In the context of attempting to conquer one of the aforementioned addictions, the phrase means not to berate yourself about the dozen chocolate donuts you ate yesterday, or worry about losing 50 lbs. for the cruise next year (You can pretty much guess which “addiction” I struggle with) Just concentrate on not eating, drinking, smoking, or drugging FOR TODAY.

When it comes to coping with the behaviors of an Alzheimer spouse and the massive amount of stress they cause us, the phrase “one day at a time” takes on a slightly different twist. No matter how much I read online, learn from conferences I attend, or absorb from my support group, I continually struggle to cope with my husband’s irrational reasoning, anger, confusion, lack of comprehension, and repetitious questions. Making my tension and anxiety worse, is the fact that I carry my own anger, frustration, and stress over from one day to the next. Reading Jennifer Ghent-Fuller’s article, “Understanding the Dementia Experience” which I recommended in today’s  “Notice”, reminded me what I already know, but have been unable or unwilling to accept and adjust to - the AD patient only has TODAY.

TODAY they struggle every minute to remember what was said to them 5 minutes ago; to comprehend what they do remember; to handle the frustration and fear in the face of their rapidly declining abilities; to try to make sense of their confusion; and to cope with constant reminders and sometimes criticism of their inadequacies.

TOMORROW, although you have not forgotten the hurt and aggravation of the day before, they have. They start all over again forgetting the day’s events; getting confused; becoming frustrated. We had a few incidents over the weekend of my husband getting confused, forgetting to do something, and berating himself for being what he called “stupid.” It made me realize just how difficult life is becoming for him. Suddenly, or FINALLY, as so many of my support group friends would tell me, I realized that I have to live in his “one day at a time”  world. I have to deal with whatever comes up that day as if it had not happened every day for the last year. Reminding him of the previous arguments, trying to reason with him, reminding him that I already told him the answer to that question 5 days in a row, is serving only to anger him and stress me. He forgets the questions, anger, and frustration of TODAY. My inability to do the same, has caused me so much stress and resentment that I am making myself physically ill as well as emotionally distraught.

So TODAY,  I understood that it was futile to argue and reason with him; that he really did not remember the answer to the questions he asked; and that keeping the peace TODAY is going to be the only way I will be able to retain my sanity. Let’s hope I remember to do the same TOMORROW.

MESSAGE BOARD TOPIC - ONE DAY AT A TIME

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