JOAN’S BLOG – THURSDAY, JUNE 26, 2008 – BECOMING A ONE CAR FAMILY – THE CATALYST FOR TROUBLE

First, I would like to thank those of you who e-mailed me yesterday offering support. I appreciate it more than you could ever imagine, and it was helpful to me.

I promised a little more detail of what caused my meltdown, and today’s Blog addresses ONE of the tipping points.

We have been talking about selling my car for about 9 months. Even with Sid still doing local driving (I’m not even going to START on that topic), it made no sense for us to have double gas, insurance, and maintenance bills. My car, although in excellent shape, and hardly driven more than 20 miles at a time anymore, was a 1999. Sid’s is a 2004. It made sense to sell the older one. We talked about it endlessly; he remembered that we talked about it; we noted that when he went to the gym or on errands in the morning I was home doing web work; and when I went out in the afternoon, he generally stayed home and watched TV or puttered around the house. When we went out together, we took his car. He grumbled a bit about “sharing” his car, but he never made it into a big problem.

For two months, I had ads in every free venue I could find – Craigslist; local radio; local cable TV; local online radio; a sign in our mechanic’s office. So it is not as if he wasn’t aware that the car was going. Two months. Two calls. No sale. Finally, I paid to put an ad in the paper – the first guy who came to look at it bought it on the spot with CASH. I was happy. Sid was happy. At least that is what I thought.

The next day all Hell broke loose. Once again, because apparently I never learn how unpredictable Alzheimer’s Disease can be, I was shocked at what happened. He was furious that now he had to “share” HIS car with me, and according to him...………………Ever since I’ve known him, I’ve hated his driving and wanted to have his license taken away; I am ruining his life; I am taking his freedom away; I am taking his life away. I don’t want him to go anywhere or do anything. I want him to curl up and be a hermit. It’s all my fault. And on he went, becoming more unreasonable and far fetched with every word. All of this because we were going to SHARE a car, not take one away from him completely. Although at the bottom of it was the fear that this is the beginning of the end of his driving.

In the midst of this tirade, I broke every rule written about dealing with Alzheimer patients. I argued, tried to reason, screamed, and cried. Then I gave up, made supper, and after we ate and he went into the den, I laid my head down on the table and sobbed.

The next day, I went to the Reiki Channel Healing Therapy Seminar, which did not do much to heal my stress, but my social worker was there. She listened patiently as I poured my heart out, strongly suggested I come to her for counseling, and that is when I decided to take her up on her offer.

So there you have Part I of Joan’s meltdown. Tune in tomorrow for Part II – Communication disaster.

I cannot leave you today without mentioning that yesterday’s lunch with the girls went a long way in relieving a bit of the stress, as did Sid’s apparent enjoyment of the fishing outing.

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com