JOAN’S BLOG – FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 12, 2008 – MEETING A NEW NON-ALZHEIMER FRIEND – AN UNCOMFORTABLE DAY

I knew ahead of time that yesterday was going to be an odd sort of day. I had a luncheon date with a neighbor who is new to the area, and wants to meet people with whom to socialize.

For days before, I was thinking about how my entire life is wrapped up with Alzheimer’s Disease. It used to bother me, but I have accepted that this is my life now. I love the website work. I am proud of my advocacy on behalf of Alzheimer spouses. I am active; I write; I speak; I network – all related to Alzheimer’s Disease. So when I meet someone new, and I am asked – “What do you do? What keeps you busy?”, I can no longer talk about what I USED to do – language therapy and tutoring. What I do now is work on behalf of Alzheimer’s Disease. Of course, I had no intention of keeping this information from my new acquaintance, but the conversation did no go quite as I had imagined.

We were discussing the most recent jobs we had, when this woman, whom I had just met, told me how, after she retired, she worked part time as a home health aide, but she quit because they sent her to care for a woman with Alzheimer’s Disease who refused to bathe, refused to get dressed, and was difficult and nasty. She said it was disgusting, and she hated it.

You may be thinking that I must have been highly offended by her statement, but honestly, I found it tragically amusing in a dark sort of way. Everyone in the outside world can walk away from it; we cannot. Maybe if more people were exposed to that “disgusting job”, the plight of the caregiver would be better understood. The old “walk in my shoes” metaphor.

In any case, I did tell her that my husband has Alzheimer’s Disease, but is in an early stage. Given her experience with the later stages, I have no idea if she and her husband will still be interested in socializing with us, but it does not matter. Sid and I are very comfortable with the Alzheimer friends we have made. There is understanding, shared tears, and a huge dose of laughter at ourselves. For now, this is what we need, and we are content with it.

I am curious to know how others would have handled this situation, and if you feel as I do. Please post comments under Message Board Topic: A Weird Experience.

©Copyright 2008 Joan Gershman

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