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RECOMMENDED PRODUCT OF THE WEEK - AMAZON REVIEW- "As my grandfather continues on his journey of dementia, he is slowly loosing the ability to use the telephone and dial 7-digit telephone numbers to contact family members........ this user-friendly telephone to assist him at this most needed time in his life. All he needs to remember is to pick up the receiver, push a picture of the person he wants to talk to (via speed dial), and wait until someone answers at the other end before starting a conversation....."Happy Granny"
U.S. urged to compare Alzheimer, ADD, other therapies NO Joke: Viagra Lessens Aβ, Cognitive Problems in AD Mice CLICK HERE for News Archives JOAN’S JULY 4, 2009 WEEKEND BLOG – HAPPY JULY 4TH/MORE INFORMATION ON MY BOOK PROJECT I need a rest Since our little village has no money However, while you are resting, I would like you to think about contributing a story for my book project
Guidelines for Story Submission All stories must be received by August 1, 2009. 1. Write a story about your experiences as a caregiver for your spouse who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease or other form of dementia. Stories should be non-fiction, between 800 and 1,000 words. (To determine the number of words, use Word’s “Word Count” feature, found in most versions as an option under the Tools menu.) Stories should have a positive tone and might expand on one or more of the following topics: a. What you have learned from life (for example, in your career, in the military, or from a previous life crisis) that has been helpful in getting you through the caregiving journey. b. How you successfully managed a particular caregiving crisis. c. What you wish you had known earlier about caregiving that may have helped you cope more effectively. d. How caregiving has enriched your life or enabled you to help others. e.Privacy – You may request that your last name not be used. You have the option of total anonymity by using a pseudonym and no personal pictures. Humor INFORMATION ON HOW TO SUBMIT A HARD COPY, PHOTOGRAPHS, AND A PERMISSION RELEASE FORM WILL BE POSTED NEXT WEEK. Until then, you can submit your story via e-mail to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com Have a restful weekend. ©Copyright 2009 Joan Gershman
JOAN’S BLOG – THUR/FRI,JULY 2/3, 2009 - CALM CHANGES EVERYTHING When my husband was in the midst of Alzheimer rage, depression, public insults towards me, and outbursts of anger towards others (which he interpreted as correcting their “wrong” behavior) Because I have learned that Alzheimer’s Disease can change in a second As for the home situation, I have come to realize that we are in a different stage of our lives than just 3 short years ago, when we moved here to Florida. I expected to live in my dream home for at least another 10 years, never anticipating Alzheimer’s Disease, and its broad implications for Sid’s care, socialization, life style simplification, and finances. Calmness in an Alzheimer spouse allows the love I hope to accomplish all the background work – lawyers, real estate agents, etc., during the calm before the next Alzheimer storm brews. Calm is good. I like calm. I can deal better with Alzheimer’s Disease when there is calm. Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com
JOAN’S BLOG – WEDNESDAY, JULY 1, 2009 – SUPPORTING EACH OTHER THROUGH THE TRIALS – IN HONOR OF THE LOST CHILDREN Although this Alzheimer journey is a difficult one, often compared to navigating one’s way through the depths of Hell on earth for both caregiver and patient, nothing can compare to the loss of child at any age. As most of you are now aware, our member Mary, lost her adult daughter Diane yesterday, in a completely unexpected tragedy. Not long after our member, dking, lost his son to suicide, just months after his wife died. I knew Mary and Diane personally, and many of you came to know her through her prolific writings on the message board and e-mails, which you exchanged with her. We did not know dking as well, as men tend to be less verbal on the boards, but that does not lessen our empathy for him. My own words are inadequate to offer solace to Mary, dking, and all the parents who have lost children. Instead, I am printing a passage that a friend sent to me. It came from a card she received from a friend in support of her struggle with her husband’s Alzheimer’s Disease. Credit goes to DaySprings E-Cards. This is my wish to Mary, to dking, to all of you who have lost a loved one, and to all of you who are traveling this Alzheimer’s journey:
Please post comments under the existing topic: Mary's Daughter Passed Away
Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com The Alzheimer Spouse LLC 2009 All Rights Reserved JOAN’S BLOG – MON/TUE, JUNE 29/30, 2009 – UNDERSTANDING THE MEANING OF “I MISS MY HUSBAND/WIFE” In the beginning, before I knew the full scope of what Alzheimer’s Disease would do to my husband, to me, and to our life together, I thought I was the only Alzheimer spouse who threw her arms around her husband, sobbing, “I miss you! I miss you! I want you back!” It is difficult to pull only one theme from the message board posts, but if I were pressed, I would say that missing the spouse A drastic personality change Many of us have enjoyed a close partnership of a marriage Who was this person As the disease progresses, there is no more rational conversation, often no conversation at all. There is no longer an adult with whom to interact. We are caring for a child in an adult’s body. We seem to no longer be spouses – We are caregivers. We miss our spouses. I am grateful that all of you have found the spousal support and understanding you need on this website. However, there are thousands of spouses who are still suffering and confused, because their doctors did not advise them of what AD could do to their spouse’s personality, nor were they offered any specific spousal issue support. Not much of it exists out in the field. Yet, I have been told, by those who know, that no matter how much our spouse changes -mentally, physically, and emotionally- and no matter how much we mourn each change, when death comes, we mourn again I have also been told by many who have seen this journey to the end, that there is life after Alzheimer’s Disease. As with any death, there is pain, sadness, and grief. But once one has worked their way through those emotions, there remains memories of the good times, and a new life to be lived P.S. AFTER I wrote and posted this blog, I noticed a new message board topic started by Sharan - Feeling Alone. She and the others who commented, are expressing the feeling noted in this blog. Please post all comments about this blog under that topic. Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com ©Copyright 2009 Joan Gershman
JOAN’S WEEKEND BLOG – JUNE 27, 2009 – JOAN’S MISHAP AND THE AD REACTION TO IT After the extensive message board topic on Hilary Clinton’s fall, all of our members’ mishaps of broken bones My first instinct was to break the fall as best I could, so my face would not smash into the pavement. I managed to accomplish that feat by going down on my hands, one knee, and well, sometimes, shall we say, being well endowed in the upper chest area, comes in handy, and assists in softening a fall. I got up quickly, to spare myself further embarrassment. My knee and hand were scraped, very minor injuries, which was why I was surprised that I was so shaken up. I was experiencing head to toe body trembling Ten minutes later, I was home. (everything in our little village is no more than 10 minutes away), and faced with another surprise – My husband’s reaction to my hobbling into the house and shaking. This is a man, pre-AD, who has rushed home from work 25 miles away when I was hurting or sick. This is a man, pre-AD, who rubbed ice all over my body when I was attacked by a swarm of bees. This is a man, pre-AD, who wanted to take me to the emergency room for every ache and pain. On Friday, this was a man who looked at me with a frown of concern, asked if I was all right, and then admonished me for not looking where I was going. I cleaned up my hand and knee, applied an anti-biotic ointment, filled a bag with ice, and sat with my leg up, and ice on my knee It is also another oddity of AD that the only emotion that is outwardly displayed is rage In any case, he went with his friend to help him with his doggie treat business today (Saturday), and I am going to take the time to rest and then get a much needed hair perm MESSAGE BOARD TOPIC: My Embarrassing Fall Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com ©Copyright 2009 Joan Gershman The Alzheimer Spouse LLC 2009 All Rights Reserved JOAN’S BLOG – FRIDAY, JUNE 26, 2009 – TURNING THE TABLES ON ME – How Much More Confusing Can Alzheimer’s Disease Get? We who live with spouses with Alzheimer’s Disease are fully aware of what a challenge it can be. It is a roller coaster of symptoms that bait and switch, hide and re-emerge, shock and surprise at every turn. It is an emotional train wreck. At various times, I have likened this perplexing journey to an unexpected stop in the Twilight Zone But this week’s events raised Soooooo, in the middle of this week, while we were discussing a possible move, I told him I was concerned about socialization for him. “How many times are you going to tell me that?”, he scolded me Later on that same day, I told him that I originally came up with the moving idea, because our friends are so happy in their condo. What do you suppose he said to me? “You told me that already 3 times. How many more times are you going to repeat it?” My brilliant reaction was once again, “HUH????” And finally, one day this week, I mentioned again about pouring money into the house that neither of us will be able to live here long enough to recoup. Do you want to guess what he said to me? “How many more times are you going to tell me that?” This time my reaction was to say, “Well, how am I supposed to know what you remember and what you don’t remember? Most of the time you don’t remember anything.” To my credit, I did not lose my temper or yell. I just stated it as a matter of fact. Thankfully, he did not fly into a rage. We just ended up in one of those bizarre Alzheimer conversations: Sid – “How am I supposed to know what I will remember or not remember?” And so it goes in the land of Alzheimer’s Disease. Have any of you experienced this? Am I living in MESSAGE BOARD TOPIC: Turning the Tables on Me- How Confusing can Alzheimer's Get? Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com
JOAN’S BLOG – THURSDAY, JUNE 25, 2009 – CONSIDERING A LIFE STYLE CHANGE Almost 3 years ago, I moved into my dream house Besides the expense This is a man who was a salesman That is why I am considering a life style change that I NEVER would have thought about at my “young” age of 60. I must emphasize that I am just CONSIDERING it. I don’t know how it is in the rest of the country, but here in Florida, we are over run with “Independent Living” The benefits for me would be that I could work without worrying that he is alone, isolated, and bored. I would not have to be concerned about not being able to afford to pay someone to put up and take down hurricane shutters Yes, of course I realize that he will continue to decline and need more supervision as time goes on, in which case, an Assisted Living Facility would be the next step. So my dilemma is – do I give up my dream home, which is becoming more and more unaffordable and difficult to maintain, to move into a much smaller apartment, in order to give Sid a better quality of life while he is able to be aware and enjoy it? I honestly do not know what I am going to do What do you think? Have any of you chosen this lifestyle? Was it a good choice? Message Board Topic: Joan’ Blog – A lifestyle change. Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com ©Copyright 2009 Joan Gershman JOAN’S BLOG – TUES/WED, JUNE 23/24, 2009 – JOIN ME IN MY BOOK PROJECT I am writing a book For those of you who would like a chance to be part of this project - I am asking for positive stories (via email to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com) of about 1000 words, which explain what you have learned from life that has been helpful on the care giving journey, how you managed a care giving crisis, perhaps based on the experiences learned from your life before care giving, what you wish you had known, and how care giving may have enriched your life or enabled you to help others.You may balk at that last part – “how care giving may have enriched your life”, but think about what you have gained from the negative experience of having a spouse with Alzheimer’s Disease that may help you in a positive way later in life. My editor and I will choose only 20 stories from those submitted, to be included in the book. If yours is chosen, we will ask for non-returnable pictures If you are not interested in participating, maybe you know someone who is, and will pass along this information. Guidelines for Stories are as follows: 1. Explain what you have learned from life (ex: career, previous life crises, military service) that has been helpful in getting you through the care giving journey. 7. Privacy – You may request that your last name not be used. You have the option of total anonymity by using a pseudonym and no personal pictures. 8. If pictures are used, you must have copyright or ownership. 9. Submission deadline – August 15, 2009 MESSAGE BOARD - Joan's Blog - Book Project
Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com ©Copyright 2009 Joan Gershman
JOAN’S MONDAY BLOG – JUNE 22, 2009 – OUR 39TH ANNIVERSARY Around the first year or two I was married, my cousins had a 40th anniversary party for my aunt and uncle. I was 21 years old. Maybe 22 at the time of the party. My aunt and uncle looked old, crotchety, and wrinkled Yesterday we celebrated our 39th wedding anniversary. I am 60. He is 66. In my mirror, we do not look old or wrinkled (Fat smoothes out wrinkles!). It was a day of reflection and love I never expected for us to die healthy (an oxymoron?). I knew that as we aged, heart attacks, diabetes, cancer, and a host of other diseases could intrude on our lives. I was even aware of Alzheimer’s Disease, but I never expected that a disease could rip through our lives like a tornado But even with this disease imposing its will on our lives, we have adjusted to some degree. Alzheimer’s Disease has broken our hearts, torn apart our lives, destroyed our finances, altered our future forever, but the medications have calmed Sid’s rages to the point that we are once again able to feel the deep love, protectiveness, support, and caring I am no longer young and naïve. I know how brutal life can be. My husband’s disease is only going to get worse. I know that. But I also know that we have to enjoy whatever good time we have together, no matter how intermittently it occurs. This weekend was good. We were reminded why we have been together for 39 years. We both appreciated that. Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com ©Copyright 2009 Joan Gershman
In Sickness and Health - What does that really mean for spousal caregivers? - June 8/9, 2009 Take the Stress Questionaire - How is your stress level? - June 9/10, 2009 Declines - Just when you think things have settled down, another decline - June 18/19, 2009
The material included on this website contains general information intended as information only. This site is not intended to provide personal, professional, medical, or psychological advice, and should not be relied upon to govern behavior in any certain or particular circumstances. The opinions in the blogs are solely those of the owner of the website. The opinions on the message boards are not necessarily endorsed by the owner of this website, and are the opinions of those persons writing the messages. All material on this web site is for demonstration and informational purposes only. The Alzheimer Spouse LLC 2009 All Rights Reserved
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