JOAN’S BLOG – TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2008 – GETTING USED TO THE WAY THINGS ARE

No one fought harder against the changes Alzheimer’s Disease brought to my husband’s personality and abilities, our marriage, and our life together than I did. My blogs tell the story of how I tried to take the pieces of our Alzheimer’s altered relationship, and put them back together as they had been; how I tried to relate to my husband as he used to be; how I tried to live in both the Alzheimer and non-Alzheimer world. None of it worked.

I wore myself out from fighting to return my life to what I considered “normal". I am exhausted and saddened from the battle, and now find myself, not only fully ensconced in this Alzheimer world, but becoming used to it. This is not to say that I am happy about the situation, I am not. But since my husband's temper tantrums and rages subsided, and I stopped trying to make things as they were, we have been able to enjoy each other’s company in a peaceful, quiet, comforting sort of manner.

As I mentioned in yesterday’s blog (see below), with acceptance has come more patience. Instead of getting angry and frustrated, I am used to his confusion relating to spoken information and directions – I just calmly re-explain and draw diagrams. I am used to the repetitive questions – I still find myself telling him he asked me already, but without rancor. I just tell him again. I am used to the fans being left on, the salad dressing, jelly, and other refrigerated items being left out on the table. I just put them back.

I am used to my life as it is now – our Alzheimer friends, with whom we are both comfortable; our Alzheimer activities – support group, raising awareness, helping others navigate the rough seas of AD - from which we both gain satisfaction.

It is absolutely not the life either of us would have chosen, and neither of us is happy about it, but we are both worn out from fighting it. We have gotten used to our life as it is now, and we are trying to make the best of it, because we’re stuck with it.

©Copyright 2008 Joan Gershman

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