JOAN’S BLOG – WEDNESDAY, MARCH 12, 2008 – LETTING SOMEONE TAKE OVER FOR A BIT – THE FLIP SIDE OF THE BOSSY SPOUSE

After writing yesterday’s blog about being the bossy one , the one who MUST be in charge of everything, a thought slipped into my head. Wouldn’t I just like a day or two when someone else came in and handled everything for me – told me what to do, so I did not have to make any decisions?

AD has put me through a lot of changes, responsibilities, and heartaches, and some days I am so tired of being THE BOSS that I wish a fairy Godmother would appear -  wave her magic wand; take away the worries; organize the finances; tell me what we were having for dinner and cook it; make the doctor appointments and tell me when and where to show up; call the insurance companies and tell me what and where to sign; deal with my husband’s mood swings; lift the burdens from my shoulders for just a day. She could be the Boss for the day.

This is quite out of character for me, as I have always been the independent sort – never liked anyone telling me what I could or could not do, but recently I had an experience that made me realize what a break from decision making would feel like.

A group of us was discussing holding an Alzheimer’s fund raising event . Different ideas were bandied about, and one woman, who used to own two businesses, and is quite used to “taking charge”, did just that. She decided on the place, date, time, handled all the phone calls, paperwork, logistics, and who needed to do what. She asked if I minded her being so “bossy”. My response was the same as my son Joel’s in the middle of his wedding planning – “Point me in the right direction; tell me what time to show up, and what to do when I get there.” It was a relief to have someone else handle all the details for a change.

No, of course I don’t want someone to always tell me what to do and when to do it, but when one is the spouse of an AD patient, and has to make all of the decisions all of the time, it would be nice to surrender responsibility for a day, don’t you think?

Please post MESSAGE BOARD responses under yesterday's topic: The Bossy Caregiver Spouse

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