JOAN’S BLOG – THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2008 – THE CARE FACILITY VISIT – A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE

The ideas for my blogs come from my experiences with my husband as we navigate this house of horrors known as Alzheimer’s Disease. They come from what is in my heart. I had an experience recently that jolted me to the core.

I went to a dementia facility to visit two women from our group who were recently placed. Now, I am not a novice at this nursing facility experience. I spent years researching, visiting, and evaluating nursing homes every time my mother-in-law needed to be placed for rehabilitation for one medical situation or other. Not only have I seen the worst conditions in such places, but I have seen patients in the end stages of cancer, dementia, and every other ailment one could imagine. There is no need to describe it – those who are reading this know it well enough. So I certainly was not expecting to see anything that I had not seen before.

This facility, although simple, and neither elegant nor fancy, was scrubbed spotless. The residents were well dressed in clean clothes, and each looked as if they had just come out of the shower. There were no odors, and everyone was sitting together and “socializing” in their own way.

How could this possibly upset me? It threw me severely off kilter because this was the first time I had visited such a place and pictured my beloved husband living there. Without me. While I lived alone at home. It was inconceivable to me. I could not wrap my brain around it. It was gut wrenching. I thought – “This is just a tiny sampling of the emotional turmoil and pain those of you who have had to make this decision have gone through.” Although I thought I understood how you feel when you visit your spouse who is being cared for in a facility, I did not. I cannot. It is not something one can know until you are experiencing it.

I left vowing not to return, and immediately felt guilty, because I know there are so many of you who do not have that choice. You have my respect, love, and support for this heart breaking part of the Alzheimer journey on which you find yourself. If it comes to that point for me, I hope I have your strength and courage.

We learn so much from one another. Fran was generous in sharing her husband’s last days with us. Please share your feelings with us and your methods of coping when you have a spouse in a care facility. Message Board Topic: The Care Facility Visit - A different perspective.

I will be at a conference all day – hope to have some interesting tidbits of information for you when I return.

©Copyright 2008 Joan Gershman  

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