JOAN’S BLOG – MONDAY, DECEMBER 8, 2008 – CHOOSING TO MAKE THE BEST OF THE LIFE WE HAVE

My warmest gratitude to all of you who responded on the message boards and through e-mails to the weekend blog – “At the end of my rope.” (See blog below this one.) Although the situation continues to be gut-wrenching, your validation and support is of enormous help to me.

We attended a function Saturday night that was a crystal clear illustration of the optimism of the human spirit, and a demonstration of how one can choose to live a good life in spite of pain and hardship. The function was a joyous Christmas concert put on by members of the music club of our friend’s “Over 55 ACTIVE homeowner’s community”.  And I do mean active. There was a choir, solo singing performances, a solo ballet performance, and energetic tap dancing performances. As one woman was floating and twirling across the stage in a ballet number, my friend leaned over and told me how that woman had suffered through serious cancers many times. I watched her in awe, thinking how this was a person who has chosen to embrace life to the fullest for whatever gift of time she has been given.

We were then treated to a beautiful singing solo by a woman who drove herself out on the stage in a motorized cart, because she is physically disabled. Disabled, yes. But alive and enjoying the life she has, and bringing joy to others with her talent.

I am sure there were other people on that stage who have weathered many of life’s storms, but they have chosen to live the best life they can in spite of their disabilities and trials.

This is the message I tried to convey to Sid when we returned home. Yes, we have been dealt a rotten hand. Yes, our life is miserable and not what we had planned it to be. But we are not the only ones. Hundreds of thousands of people are dealing with cancer, crippling disabilities, Alzheimer’s Disease, paralysis. Some choose to withdraw and wallow in their misery. Others choose to make the best of the life they have. I told him that I have been trying to make the best of what we have; I have been trying to give him opportunities to enjoy activities, go places with friends, socialize. I cannot do it every day, but at least a couple of times a week. He has chosen to not only wallow in his misery, but make my life unbearable, and turn away those he does see with his negative, angry attitude.

I realize that reasoning in this manner with someone with Alzheimer’s Disease is a gamble at best, and counter productive at worst, but I had to give it a try. He begrudgingly admitted that he could see my point, but that it was just “too hard for him” to accept the limitations that I placed on him. He apologized for causing me such pain, and promised to “Try”.

One of our members, Divi, wrote on the message boards – “I remember threatening divorce on more than one occasion and just like yours my DH seemed to be able to absorb enough to cooperate til the next time. yes til the next time, it won’t last and the monster within will drive him to repeat these mentally draining episodes over and over.”

Yes, he will try to cooperate until “the monster” that is Alzheimer’s Disease takes hold again. I am just so exhausted from all of it.

I did not start him on the Risperdal, as I said I would, because I read the warning label, and it said that the medication could dramatically raise blood sugar. Not what a diabetic needs. I will call the psychiatrist when she comes in on Tuesday, and find out why she prescribed that drug, when she knows he is diabetic.

In the meantime, I am buying myself a new pair of heavy duty walking sneakers, and when he starts up again, I am putting on my sneakers and walking, walking, walking, as far away as I can walk.

©Copyright 2008 Joan Gershman    

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