JOAN’S BLOG – TUESDAY/WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 21/22, 2008 – A GLIMMER OF LIGHT THROUGH THE SADNESS  

I am surrounded by sadness. This has been a rough month for those I care about. Two have had to place their spouses in dementia facilities; another is watching his EOAD (50ish) spouse take a nosedive decline; another is dealing with her husband’s cancer and deteriorating AD. By comparison, my husband’s and my disappointment at being dropped from the drug trial is minimal, but a setback for us, nonetheless.

What all of my friends and everyone of you who are dealing with the destructive effects of AD have in common, besides being spouses of AD patients, is resilience, strength, and courage. You cry at your relationship losses, you lose patience with the erratic behavior of your spouses, you occasionally scream in frustration, and then you pick yourselves up and try again to do the best job of caregiving you can for the spouse you love so dearly.

It takes emotional strength to watch a spouse’s AD altered personality turn them into a stranger; to bear the pain of becoming a stranger to them, as their memory of you and your life together fades from their consciousness; to bear the brunt of AD rages and tantrums.

It takes courage to do what has to be done, whether it is to turn your back on insults and violent outbursts; leave them in Day Care for a few hours for your own respite and sanity; or place them in a facility when you can no longer care for them.

And it takes resilience to forge a life of your own once your beloved spouse is finally released from Alzheimer Hell.  Although never abandoning the role of caregiver and advocate for their AD spouse, many well spouses begin this process of building a different life when their husband/wife loses recognition of their loved ones and awareness of the world around them. It is incredibly painful and difficult, but your stories have told me that you are doing it. You do not have the life you had, but your innate resilience has allowed you to come out of the tunnel into the light and find some peace again.  Your strength, courage, and resilience is the light that shines through the sadness, and will pull you through. 

©Copyright 2008 Joan Gershman

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