JOAN’S BLOG – TUESDAY, MARCH 25, 2008 – LIFE AFTER AD – SHOULD YOU FEEL GUILTY FOR THINKING ABOUT IT?

As my regular readers know, my Blog topic ideas come from my own experiences, but also from the comments, suggestions, and struggles you share with us on the Message Boards, or privately with me in e-mails.

Lately there has been discussion around the idea of thinking about life after the AD journey has ended, and the guilt surrounding the idea of even having those thoughts.

Alzheimer’s Disease is like no other. The journey from mild forgetfulness to the total loss of self, emotional connection, and physical capacity can take 20 years. During those years, you, the caregiving spouse, lose a partner in conversation; decision making; social activities; lovemaking; travel; emotional bonding; and friendship. You lose long time friends; stable mental health; and physical well being. You suffer stress, exhaustion, loneliness, anger, resentment, and searing emotional pain you never thought possible.

And you think crushing under this burden, you should not even think about what the future after AD holds? It is not being disloyal to your spouse to imagine life after AD. It is being life affirming to yourself.  Human beings thrive when they have something to look forward to; something new to accomplish. Where there is hope, there is life. Where there is hopelessness, there is nothing. You cannot control the fact that your spouse was befallen by Alzheimer’s Disease. You cannot control its progression –The disease will advance regardless of what you think or do. You CAN control what happens after. You can choose to live a full life again, with travel, friends, activities that you love. Or not. 

Do not beat yourself up about dreaming little thoughts of life after AD. It means you have hope for the future of your own life. If you did not have those dreams, Alzheimer’s Disease, as Sandi has said, will have claimed two lives. 

MESSAGE BOARD TOPIC: Do You Think About Life after AD?

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