JOAN’S WEEKEND BLOG – NOVEMBER 8/9, 2008 – JOAN’S THANKSGIVNG NEWS AND HOLIDAY TIP – ASSESSING YOUR SPOUSE’S LEVEL OF FUNCTIONING BEFORE PLANNING

Before I begin, I want to thank everyone for your support on Friday. As you all suggested, I am overwhelmed with too many projects, and I will prioritize this weekend. I also promise to write a blog on my latest emotional AD upheaval – the driving issue, which is not going to go away – EVER. It sucker punched me Friday, and left me too drained to write about it.

Now, on to the holidays. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, and not just because of all the food. (I make the BEST stuffing! – oh, I know I will get plenty of others claiming the same of their stuffing recipe – share yours on the “recipe” topic on the message boards.) I love Thanksgiving because it is not specific to any religion – everyone in the United States celebrates it (at least, I think they do). My house was always filled with family and friends, and I cooked every bit of the meal. In later years, I worked a lot, and let others help by making side dishes.

When we moved to Florida, it became a quiet holiday, celebrated with my cousin and his wife, who live nearby, and that was the plan for this year. But they decided to go up to North Carolina to visit with one of their daughters and the grandkids, which left Sid and I alone. There was no way I could bear the thought of not being surrounded by family on Thanksgiving, so I called my sister, who lives in FREEZING Chicago, and asked if she was having Thanksgiving at her house. After she stopped screaming – “Are you coming? Are you coming? Are you really coming?”, we got down to the planning, and yes, we are going to Chicago. I’ll get to see my nephews, their wives, one of whom is pregnant, and Rufus, the new puppy. Oh, and of course, she asked if would make my stuffing for the turkey.

As for Sid and the household chaos with so many people coming and going – he has trouble following multiple, fast conversations, but he generally will sit with one person and talk with them. My sister has a huge house, so if he is tired or overwhelmed, there will always be a place for him to go to sit quietly and rest, or play with the puppy.

Although he presents in public as perfectly normal, he is not able to think quickly, make quick decisions, or move fast, so if on the other days we are there, someone wants to go on an outing, I’ll make sure he knows about it a day in advance, and can think about whether he wants to participate. I will then explain the “who, when, where, and what” about the situation before we do anything. That type of preparation always prevents anxiety on his part.

Neither one of us is happy about the weather in Chicago – we don’t have heavy coats, boots, or hats. There are gloves around here somewhere, probably in a box in the garage. A little (lot) shivering is worth it to be with family on Thanksgiving. See below for Holiday Tip #1 in my Holiday Caregiver Tip series:

HOLIDAY TIP #1- ASSESSING YOUR SPOUSE’S LEVEL OF FUNCTIONING

Alzheimer’s Disease changes everything. Whether your spouse is in the beginning stages or in a nursing home, their ability to handle commotion, “tumult”, distractions, company, decorations, and change of routine is affected by the disease. 

Remember your first holiday together before you had children? It did not matter how many candles were burning; how many decorations were up; how many lights were blinking; how many people were coming and going for Open House. You both could handle it all. And enjoy it.

Remember the first holiday when your baby was a toddler crawling and running into everything? You had to plan around mealtimes, naptimes, cranky times, and you had to put everything dangerous out of reach.

Since Alzheimer patients go through developmental stages backwards ( i.e. return to childlike behavior- CLICK HERE for more extensive information on that), planning a holiday celebration when an AD spouse is involved is similar to planning when you have a child. You are the best judge of which “stage of development” your spouse is in, so you are the best judge as to what amount and type of stimulation they can handle. Think about this aspect, and next  week’s tip will  discuss:  Once you have decided what your spouse can handle – PLANNING AHEAD FOR IT. 

©Copyright 2008 Joan Gershman         

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